Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
