Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
