Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
