Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He shit in the fireplace
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
