I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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