As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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