I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
