I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
