Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
