Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
