feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
