Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
