maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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