I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
