Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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