Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
