Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
