I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
