sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
