So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
