I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have fence marks all over my body
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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