and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
