I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So vagazzling was a success
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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