If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
