Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
