You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
