i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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