Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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