wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
