Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
