so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
