I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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