This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
