hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
