I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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