Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
