You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
