Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
