how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
