What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
