Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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