Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
