you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
