Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
