I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we're so committed to being not committed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
