yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm at about main and main street
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
