I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
