just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
