When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
