i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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