when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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