Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
