dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
