No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You left your phone here
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