just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
