Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
