I am puke
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
