Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
