I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
